confessions of a heartbroken mother part 2
leaving the doctor i felt a little defeated. i was determined to kick it though. i just need to get over it, and since dad was in orange county we were going to take advantage and enjoy a little subway together. 5 dollar foot longs, why wouldn't we?
dad waited in line while em and i grabbed a seat. i handed her her sippy and crackers, and tried really really hard to hold back my tears. i was a little overwhelmed for a minute looking at her and realizing that i was about to rock her world like never before. and i was starting to feel guilty on her behalf, and bad for myself.
the news that baby brother might be here sooner then we expected caught me off guard. i thought i had more time. more time to finish projects, get things ready, and most importantly i thought i had more time with her. just her. the only time in our lives that it will be just the two of us. and i don't know what is harder on me, the fact that never again will it be that way, or that never in her life will she remember it. i don't remember anything about my life at two years old. why would she? 
the last couple of weeks i have been making it a point to really focus on her. i've put responsibilities and plans off to make sure she knows that she is my number one priority. i even went as far as weeding in our tiny back patio so we could spend our days outside going up and down her new/used slide for hours at a time. we bask in the sun and blow bubbles. we take our lunch outside when its warm enough, and don't make a fuss when we have dirt all over our faces. we have fun, and we have fun together. just the two of us. 
i'm amazed at how much she has grown up in the last two months. how much she talks, how much she understands, and how much she explores and wants to learn. my little girl, mommies best friend is about to be a big sister. i don't know how i am going to do it. how in the world am i going to share all this with another one, and eventually more. i feel like i am about to deprive her of something, but on the other hand i can't wait to feel this times two. i couldn't imagine being a mother of like 8+ children. how in the world would you have time to be sad about anything when you are filled with love at this magnitude? 
i managed to contain myself at subway, which is more then i can say for when dad was gone and we got home. i lost it. i just held my little bit and sobbed. never has she been so snuggly. it was just what i needed. i just love this little girl, and i think i need a snuggle from her right now.
14 comments:
Oh my gosh. What a sweet post. And how true. I'm right behind you and I haven't really thought about the fact that it won't be just me and my little Marley anymore.
And here I am playing on the internet, catching up on my blogging while she is alone on the couch watching a movie.
Time to go snuggle with mine.
Thanks and good luck!
so sweet. i am having these same thoughts with miss ava. it's just crazy how one little girl could be your entire world for 2 plus years and it's all about to change. let's just focus on how much they will love their little siblings.
Oh my gosh Jenny, I know just how you feel, as I'm sure all mothers of more then one do! I was in your spot just over a year ago, I was literally in mourning of the relationship that Owen and I had. I would just look at him and cry thinking about how different it would all be but it is so much better! I love seeing him grow as a big brother and learn so much with her. It is hard at first because the baby needs you so much but I think now I am more thankful for the time I get to be with Owen, just us again! I think I can name a hundread new things I love about Owen that I never would I known had he not a sister! There wil be so many new ways she is going to grow and learn! And if you ever need someone to hold that little baby for a while so you can get some extra snugs for that cute girl, you can give me a call! Good Luck!
I totally know how you feel. You had me in tears just thinking back to the days of just Jessica and how I felt even the day I left for the hospital to have Jordan...it was heartbreaking for me. It will be an adjustment, but it will be a GREAT one. You will love this baby just as much, and you will absolutely LOVE watching the two of them growing up together. Emmy isn't going to lose anything, she is going to gain a brother and a mommy who loves her just as much or more! I used to tell myself, really, Jessica would be so sad if she DIDN'T get a sibling! Maybe that will help you feel a little better? Anyway, I know you know it will be fine in the end. Just hard to picture it now. But it will be wonderful!!
This post made me so sad. I remember the very last day that I took Jordan to the park before Caden was born. He was running around and I was tickling him when he came down the slide. We were both laughing and as he ran around I just stared at him and smiled--knowing that things would soon be different. After Caden was born I would have Jason hold the baby while I read to Jordan and held him and put him to sleep. One night as I held him I just let the tears flow. I had a moment of mourning the life of just me and him. It still kind of hurts my heart. Of course I wouldn't want my life any different. Caden is such a sweet baby and we are all doing fine together. Also, as the baby gets older they will have so much fun together! Buds. Anyway, I totally get it and I thought your post was very sweet.
Jenn Jenn I can totally remember having these feelings and thinking the same way you are right now. This was such a sweet sweet post. You are going to be amazing and things are going to work out just fine. Newborns really do just eat, poop, and sleep. You will still get so much time with little Emmers at the beginning. Love you girl and if you ever need to talk I'm here!
xoxo
So sweet!
Isn't it funny how life is so wonderful and can also be so heart wrenching. Even though I am older I remember having those same feelings. I just didn't know how I could love any more than what I did and wasn't sure how it would all work. I don't know how a mom's heart grows so much so quickly, but somehow it just does. I still have my alone and quiet times with my Jenny and I still love every minute of it just as I did when she was 2. Good luck and let your heart swell. Love, Aunt Lynn
It's just precious to express yourself in such a sincere way. If
you always do it just that way with your sweet emmy, she will slways understand and she will express herself in that way too. Bless all
three of you for the new change that is coming into to your life. Little Dane will come into this world just like his Dad, and probably just as noisy. We love you and pray for all of you, Gran Happy Easter!
Oh Jenny, you make me want to cry reading this. You are such a good Mom. I remember your feels with Tanner too. I loved our little one on one relationship. He was such a happy good boy. We had such a good little relationship. It was hard for me to give it up. Enjoy your last days with her, but also know you will love it when it becomes 3 of you too. She won't regret you bringing little Dane into the family. I bet she is going to be one amazing big sister!
OHHH, kinda sad. But what's really sad is when they chose their sibling over their mom! Just one more person to love her and be loved by her!! Your family is adorable!
jenny
i got that way the night leah was born. i just held ethan and cried. but as the other comments say, it only gets better!
this post had me in tears jen! are you going to try to turn the baby? mt friend just did it last month and it worked. and she said it was nearly as painful as everyone made it seem! just a thought...
oh my goodness jenny! This post made me so excited to be a mommy some day. your little girl is just the most adorable thing ever and I think this bond between the two of you is just incredible. Best of luck with your new little man. I can't wait to see pictures of him! take care, windy
You are a great mom with real feelings and concerns! I am so happy that Emmy is going to have a brother....she is so lucky! She will be a fabulous sister and you a more fabulous mom!
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